Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
