Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
