Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
