Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
