Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
