We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
