just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
