My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
