do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
