i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
