I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
