well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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