You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We just shotgunned beers for America
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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