i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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