i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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