oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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