We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
