New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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