i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
