Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
