I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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