we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
