she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
