Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
