Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
