This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
