oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
