I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
