oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
