Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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