i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my shit smells like andre
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
