If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
