I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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