It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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