The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
