when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
