So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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