You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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