Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
