She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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