yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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