i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
