When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
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got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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