no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
