you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
