Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
