Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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