garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sponge bath it is.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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