Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
