i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
