alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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