We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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