good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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