His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
