Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
