Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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