sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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