We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
