UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
