my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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