I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
