speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
