Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
