i can't believe i had my finger in that
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
