Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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