no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
