where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
