I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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