he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
