I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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