I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
