Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
