Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
